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Unstuck

by blackbird

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1.
Unstuck 03:11
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I hit these bumps where I don't know what to do Sitting bored and blank in the corner of my empty room Thinking of who I miss, conflicted in why I shouldn't I've been wishing away all this doom and gloom I question who I am, opposites arising Snow falls in spring at just the perfect timing I, myself, fall somewhere close to the middle I can't do anything without telling myself I'm lying The fall is so much harder when I've been up so high And the right road ahead has become shuffled in my mind Stuck and down, I don't know where to go I guess I just wished you were still in my life sometimes I befriend the dark cloud above me so that it can help me I cry alone in the shower, the man in my head cowers Knowing I have the power To make him leave Or at least go inside for a while I am unstuck
2.
I'll Forget One Day 04:02
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A mix of knowing that it’s gone And forgetting the pain happened I water the plant and move on Mask the memories with laughter Pretend there’s no existence, I’ll believe it If only for my own benefit The fist of reminiscence clutches at my heart Throw away the weapons and I’ll win the war And I know that I’m keeping score I want you out of my life, over and done with I don’t want to remember anymore I put up a fight, ‘cause it’s making me sick I’m pushing you out of my bedroom door I don’t want to remember anymore Old as time can let you be Makes me question my own abilities Toss and turn, try to fall asleep Hope for a day not riddled with insecurity How long do feelings take to explode When will I not have to pretend again Caring for myself means caring all alone The eyes I look into are the eyes of a friend I want you out of my life, over and done with I don’t want to remember anymore I put up a fight, ‘cause it’s making me sick I’m pushing you out of my bedroom door I don’t want to remember anymore The pendulum swings to the two extremes My chest in a state of unease ‘cause it’s so goddamn hard to please I want you out of my life, over and done with I don’t want to remember anymore I put up a fight, ‘cause it’s making me sick I’m pushing you out of my bedroom door I don’t want to remember anymore
3.
Basement Living 05:09
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I walk in the footsteps of people Who wandered the snow before me But my steps never seem to line up properly Now my feet are cold And this weather's getting old The freeze wraps its hands around me Pale blue in the corner of my window Bad memories brought up by tree trunks The old scratchy rug Songs left unsung Weird how photos keep falling off the walls I can't tell if it's me or the ghosts running through the halls Pale and translucent and numb and falling out of love Dead upstairs, basement living Tired eyes never rested, patience always tested, guilt festers Thoughts and wishes above in a thunderstorm Lightening strikes my jackets and sweaters Pens left astray Feeling ever afraid Sad like the everlong chill in the weather I can't tell if it's me or the ghosts running through the halls Pale and translucent and numb and falling out of love Dead upstairs, basement living Tired eyes never rested, patience always tested, guilt festers Do you ever enter a room and it feels different Not like home Bedsheets hold a certain comfort even when you're all alone Underneath them all alone I can't tell if it's me or the ghosts running through the halls Pale and translucent and numb and falling out of love Dead upstairs, basement living Tired eyes never rested, patience always tested, guilt festers
4.
Heart Rate 03:44
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My pulse matches the rhythm of the song playing on my phone I almost want to keep it high enough, it makes me feel a little less alone My childlike intuition spreads to every part of me A decision without consultation is never easy Panic over everything with oh so little grown Makes me wonder if rationality is a feeling I'll ever know My own brain is incapable of the very thing it preaches I know what is right and wrong but I don't know if I'll ever believe it My heart rate goes up and my survival skills go down Every time something else comes up I find myself all turned around I never have the answers for so many simple things The overwhelming feeling of doing something wrong always lingers In my head, in my heart, I feel myself falling apart The need for reassurance makes everything so hard And I'm angry at myself for it Sad over things deep down I know were my fault Reliving moments constantly, I can't bare the fall Of my emotions so suddenly, I can't shift any blame I'm so ashamed that my tongue twists speaking my own name I don't know how to heal from anything that hurts me I rely on the desire for the happiness I need Contradictions and dissonance send me straight to confusion Every little thing seems to leave me bruised and broken My heart rate goes up and my survival skills go down Every time something else comes up I find myself all turned around I never have the answers for so many simple things The overwhelming feeling of doing something wrong always lingers In my head, in my heart, I feel myself falling apart The need for reassurance makes everything so hard And I'm angry at myself for it
5.
Intermission / I Want To Love Her 03:28
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(I want to love her) Tuesday's tire me out I wake up late on Wednesday morning A sigh and a yawn follow me around And yet, a weening desire to move forward Burnt out is the way I'd describe myself Lay around and focus on something else My stress is getting the best of me And I don't want to revert to the way before I fell (I want to love her) Feeling off and denying my gifts Though I'm relying on them to give me a lift I look at you and my brain goes numb I only tell you because I'm afraid to bite my tongue And I want to love you again I know I want to love her But them why is it so hard to see I know the feeling, I know it's in there I want this to be a love song so badly (I want to love her)
6.
Happy For Me 03:22
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I want to be happy for you But I want to be happy for me too When there's nowhere to go and nothing to lose How can I decide when there's nothing to choose I want to be happy for me too (Happy for me too) Guilt pulls me back as I move forward I lose my grip and I can't look onward I'm in my head, stuck on how I wronged you But you would say that I wronged me too That's what hurts most, that I'm such a child Broken and angry despite how hard I tried Chewed up and spit out is all I can see it as But I know we weren't made to last I want to be happy for you But I want to be happy for me too When there's nowhere to go and nothing to lose How can I decide when there's nothing to choose I want to be happy for me too (Happy for me too) For some reason I never thought it could happen Secure with insecurities I used as a weapon I thought good just always had to stay But I guess it's better off this way I want to be happy for you But I want to be happy for me too When there's nowhere to go and nothing to lose How can I decide when there's nothing to choose I want to be happy for me too (Happy for me too) Hurtful and helpful, there's no easy way To balance myself, I can't sit around and wait For the best to hit me, it's my turn to try And to try only for my own life So I can see the sky And not, not question why I let myself see all the joy I know I deserve I want to be happy for you But I want to be happy for me too When there's nowhere to go and nothing to lose How can I decide when there's nothing to choose I want to be happy for me too (Happy for me too)
7.
All I Know I Can Be 03:02
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I know I've gotta try and get a grip of my life Instead of staying in bed until 1 pm Though my covers are so much warmer than the outside It's good to get out now and then I've been slow to rise after the past couple nights Staying up late and contemplating life And as pretentious as it sounds, I'll humbly stand my ground knowing I'd gladly pick to do anything else As happy as I may seem I'm stuck somewhere in between hatred and a desire for self love I jump on every opportunity but still pull away in the fear that I'll hurt someone Confused and alone I've dug myself deeper than I thought I had at the beginning of last month Somehow I always seem to think I'm doing fine until I take s step back to address it I know I've gotta try and get a grip of my life Instead of going to bed at 2 am Though the world feels so much brighter when the stars come out I know it's time that I should get some rest I keep trying to reset each time I go to bed In the hopes that tomorrow will be better But until I force myself to try, I keep barely getting by And hoping I can do and be much more So for now I keep my head above the water Set goals, or something or other So I know I've gotta try and get a grip of my life Instead of wasting away all I know I could be These sad songs don't mean a thing without a little hope A push to show I can be something While I know it's hard for me, I'm the one who sets me free At the end of this whole nightmare And that's when I'll get that grip of my life The one that I'm so busy saving And when I make that move, it just furthers my proof That everything is and will be Okay
8.
Dynamic 05:20
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I've been trying not to let it get to me And as much as it does, I know that I'm trying At this point in my life I've learned I've just gotta let it go Things will always end, things will always change, I know The constants keep some steadiness, all these things that I'm sure of External everythings remind me that I'm capable of love I am dynamic, I'm lucky for who I've become I'm grateful to say I've worked every day from where I've come from Whatever cards they play, I know it's okay, I've created the person I am today I am dynamic, and that will never change At 21, I've got so much more to go through So much more to live through, to learn, and make do A scraped up knee or a bruised up heart won't matter as much in a couple of months Grief and anxiety attacks, the shaking will pass And I'll be better at confrontation I am dynamic, I'm lucky for who I've become I'm grateful to say I've worked every day from where I've come from Whatever cards they play, I know it's okay, I've created the person I am today I am dynamic, and that will never change The flowers in my garden are blooming More yellow roses now than ever before The bee sting hurts and it's hard to ignore the buzzing But they spread so much life we have in store I am dynamic, I'm lucky for who I've become I'm grateful to say I've worked every day from where I've come from Whatever cards they play, I know it's okay, I've created the person I am today I am dynamic, and that will never change
9.
Self Help 02:59
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The road I walk along as the birds sing out notes to my head I'm filled with dread at another day ahead Sitting on my floor alone, writing songs and on my phone Wishing that I had more than just sitting behind closed doors And I look at the ground with so much time to think About every thought renting space in my head I want to be more than self help and going to bed early on the weekends I want to love all my friends and not worry about how it's gonna hurt me in the end Sparks fly into the sky and turn into stars Memories that really aren't that far behind I wait in line, I'm waiting for my time to come It's my turn for something good, I feel it in my bones I'm ready to learn I want to be more than self help and going to bed early on the weekend I want to love all my friends and not worry about how I'm gonna hurt them in the end Great days lead to regrettable nights Letters full of apologies I can't make the right mistakes What you get is what you see I want to be more than self help and going to bed early on the weekends I want to love all my friends and not worry about how it's gonna hurt me in the end I want to be more than self help and going to bed early on the weekend I want to love all my friends and not worry about how I'm gonna hurt them in the end

about

The order of the songs on Unstuck is very deliberate; I wanted to show a bit of a storyline of recovery and how while it does come with time, it’s not a straight line and it’s not going to be perfect and steady. It’s a lot about finding hope even when you’re feeling bad and learning to keep doing that. Unstuck was also a way of me exploring different genres and where I wanted to take my music in the future. I take influence from a lot of different artists and genres, and I’ve found myself wanting to create music exactly like all the people I look up to musically all in one song or record. Obviously that’s not possible, and it made me feel very all over the place creating this record, and left me feeling sort of without my own style that I’m happy with. That’s not to say I’m not proud of what I’ve created on Unstuck- I very much am- I just see it more as a way that I explored where I want to go style-wise with my music in future projects rather than what “blackbird” is inherently.

credits

released July 24, 2020

to everyone who got me to where I am now.

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blackbird Peterborough, Ontario

just a 21 year old making music!

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