1. |
Unstuck
03:11
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I hit these bumps where I don't know what to do
Sitting bored and blank in the corner of my empty room
Thinking of who I miss, conflicted in why I shouldn't
I've been wishing away all this doom and gloom
I question who I am, opposites arising
Snow falls in spring at just the perfect timing
I, myself, fall somewhere close to the middle
I can't do anything without telling myself I'm lying
The fall is so much harder when I've been up so high
And the right road ahead has become shuffled in my mind
Stuck and down, I don't know where to go
I guess I just wished you were still in my life sometimes
I befriend the dark cloud above me so that it can help me
I cry alone in the shower, the man in my head cowers
Knowing I have the power
To make him leave
Or at least go inside for a while
I am unstuck
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2. |
I'll Forget One Day
04:02
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A mix of knowing that it’s gone
And forgetting the pain happened
I water the plant and move on
Mask the memories with laughter
Pretend there’s no existence, I’ll believe it
If only for my own benefit
The fist of reminiscence clutches at my heart
Throw away the weapons and I’ll win the war
And I know that I’m keeping score
I want you out of my life, over and done with
I don’t want to remember anymore
I put up a fight, ‘cause it’s making me sick
I’m pushing you out of my bedroom door
I don’t want to remember anymore
Old as time can let you be
Makes me question my own abilities
Toss and turn, try to fall asleep
Hope for a day not riddled with insecurity
How long do feelings take to explode
When will I not have to pretend again
Caring for myself means caring all alone
The eyes I look into are the eyes of a friend
I want you out of my life, over and done with
I don’t want to remember anymore
I put up a fight, ‘cause it’s making me sick
I’m pushing you out of my bedroom door
I don’t want to remember anymore
The pendulum swings to the two extremes
My chest in a state of unease ‘cause it’s so goddamn hard to please
I want you out of my life, over and done with
I don’t want to remember anymore
I put up a fight, ‘cause it’s making me sick
I’m pushing you out of my bedroom door
I don’t want to remember anymore
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3. |
Basement Living
05:09
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I walk in the footsteps of people
Who wandered the snow before me
But my steps never seem to line up properly
Now my feet are cold
And this weather's getting old
The freeze wraps its hands around me
Pale blue in the corner of my window
Bad memories brought up by tree trunks
The old scratchy rug
Songs left unsung
Weird how photos keep falling off the walls
I can't tell if it's me or the ghosts running through the halls
Pale and translucent and numb and falling out of love
Dead upstairs, basement living
Tired eyes never rested, patience always tested, guilt festers
Thoughts and wishes above in a thunderstorm
Lightening strikes my jackets and sweaters
Pens left astray
Feeling ever afraid
Sad like the everlong chill in the weather
I can't tell if it's me or the ghosts running through the halls
Pale and translucent and numb and falling out of love
Dead upstairs, basement living
Tired eyes never rested, patience always tested, guilt festers
Do you ever enter a room and it feels different
Not like home
Bedsheets hold a certain comfort even when you're all alone
Underneath them all alone
I can't tell if it's me or the ghosts running through the halls
Pale and translucent and numb and falling out of love
Dead upstairs, basement living
Tired eyes never rested, patience always tested, guilt festers
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4. |
Heart Rate
03:44
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My pulse matches the rhythm of the song playing on my phone
I almost want to keep it high enough, it makes me feel a little less alone
My childlike intuition spreads to every part of me
A decision without consultation is never easy
Panic over everything with oh so little grown
Makes me wonder if rationality is a feeling I'll ever know
My own brain is incapable of the very thing it preaches
I know what is right and wrong but I don't know if I'll ever believe it
My heart rate goes up and my survival skills go down
Every time something else comes up I find myself all turned around
I never have the answers for so many simple things
The overwhelming feeling of doing something wrong always lingers
In my head, in my heart, I feel myself falling apart
The need for reassurance makes everything so hard
And I'm angry at myself for it
Sad over things deep down I know were my fault
Reliving moments constantly, I can't bare the fall
Of my emotions so suddenly, I can't shift any blame
I'm so ashamed that my tongue twists speaking my own name
I don't know how to heal from anything that hurts me
I rely on the desire for the happiness I need
Contradictions and dissonance send me straight to confusion
Every little thing seems to leave me bruised and broken
My heart rate goes up and my survival skills go down
Every time something else comes up I find myself all turned around
I never have the answers for so many simple things
The overwhelming feeling of doing something wrong always lingers
In my head, in my heart, I feel myself falling apart
The need for reassurance makes everything so hard
And I'm angry at myself for it
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5. |
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(I want to love her)
Tuesday's tire me out
I wake up late on Wednesday morning
A sigh and a yawn follow me around
And yet, a weening desire to move forward
Burnt out is the way I'd describe myself
Lay around and focus on something else
My stress is getting the best of me
And I don't want to revert to the way before I fell
(I want to love her)
Feeling off and denying my gifts
Though I'm relying on them to give me a lift
I look at you and my brain goes numb
I only tell you because I'm afraid to bite my tongue
And I want to love you again
I know I want to love her
But them why is it so hard to see
I know the feeling, I know it's in there
I want this to be a love song so badly
(I want to love her)
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6. |
Happy For Me
03:22
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I want to be happy for you
But I want to be happy for me too
When there's nowhere to go and nothing to lose
How can I decide when there's nothing to choose
I want to be happy for me too
(Happy for me too)
Guilt pulls me back as I move forward
I lose my grip and I can't look onward
I'm in my head, stuck on how I wronged you
But you would say that I wronged me too
That's what hurts most, that I'm such a child
Broken and angry despite how hard I tried
Chewed up and spit out is all I can see it as
But I know we weren't made to last
I want to be happy for you
But I want to be happy for me too
When there's nowhere to go and nothing to lose
How can I decide when there's nothing to choose
I want to be happy for me too
(Happy for me too)
For some reason I never thought it could happen
Secure with insecurities I used as a weapon
I thought good just always had to stay
But I guess it's better off this way
I want to be happy for you
But I want to be happy for me too
When there's nowhere to go and nothing to lose
How can I decide when there's nothing to choose
I want to be happy for me too
(Happy for me too)
Hurtful and helpful, there's no easy way
To balance myself, I can't sit around and wait
For the best to hit me, it's my turn to try
And to try only for my own life
So I can see the sky
And not, not question why
I let myself see all the joy
I know I deserve
I want to be happy for you
But I want to be happy for me too
When there's nowhere to go and nothing to lose
How can I decide when there's nothing to choose
I want to be happy for me too
(Happy for me too)
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7. |
All I Know I Can Be
03:02
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I know I've gotta try and get a grip of my life
Instead of staying in bed until 1 pm
Though my covers are so much warmer than the outside
It's good to get out now and then
I've been slow to rise after the past couple nights
Staying up late and contemplating life
And as pretentious as it sounds, I'll humbly stand my ground knowing I'd gladly pick to do anything else
As happy as I may seem I'm stuck somewhere in between hatred and a desire for self love
I jump on every opportunity but still pull away in the fear that I'll hurt someone
Confused and alone I've dug myself deeper than I thought I had at the beginning of last month
Somehow I always seem to think I'm doing fine until I take s step back to address it
I know I've gotta try and get a grip of my life
Instead of going to bed at 2 am
Though the world feels so much brighter when the stars come out
I know it's time that I should get some rest
I keep trying to reset each time I go to bed
In the hopes that tomorrow will be better
But until I force myself to try, I keep barely getting by
And hoping I can do and be much more
So for now I keep my head above the water
Set goals, or something or other
So I know I've gotta try and get a grip of my life
Instead of wasting away all I know I could be
These sad songs don't mean a thing without a little hope
A push to show I can be something
While I know it's hard for me, I'm the one who sets me free
At the end of this whole nightmare
And that's when I'll get that grip of my life
The one that I'm so busy saving
And when I make that move, it just furthers my proof
That everything is and will be
Okay
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8. |
Dynamic
05:20
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I've been trying not to let it get to me
And as much as it does, I know that I'm trying
At this point in my life I've learned I've just gotta let it go
Things will always end, things will always change, I know
The constants keep some steadiness, all these things that I'm sure of
External everythings remind me that I'm capable of love
I am dynamic, I'm lucky for who I've become
I'm grateful to say I've worked every day from where I've come from
Whatever cards they play, I know it's okay, I've created the person I am today
I am dynamic, and that will never change
At 21, I've got so much more to go through
So much more to live through, to learn, and make do
A scraped up knee or a bruised up heart won't matter as much in a couple of months
Grief and anxiety attacks, the shaking will pass
And I'll be better at confrontation
I am dynamic, I'm lucky for who I've become
I'm grateful to say I've worked every day from where I've come from
Whatever cards they play, I know it's okay, I've created the person I am today
I am dynamic, and that will never change
The flowers in my garden are blooming
More yellow roses now than ever before
The bee sting hurts and it's hard to ignore the buzzing
But they spread so much life we have in store
I am dynamic, I'm lucky for who I've become
I'm grateful to say I've worked every day from where I've come from
Whatever cards they play, I know it's okay, I've created the person I am today
I am dynamic, and that will never change
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9. |
Self Help
02:59
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The road I walk along as the birds sing out notes to my head
I'm filled with dread at another day ahead
Sitting on my floor alone, writing songs and on my phone
Wishing that I had more than just sitting behind closed doors
And I look at the ground with so much time to think
About every thought renting space in my head
I want to be more than self help and going to bed early on the weekends
I want to love all my friends and not worry about how it's gonna hurt me in the end
Sparks fly into the sky and turn into stars
Memories that really aren't that far behind
I wait in line, I'm waiting for my time to come
It's my turn for something good, I feel it in my bones
I'm ready to learn
I want to be more than self help and going to bed early on the weekend
I want to love all my friends and not worry about how I'm gonna hurt them in the end
Great days lead to regrettable nights
Letters full of apologies
I can't make the right mistakes
What you get is what you see
I want to be more than self help and going to bed early on the weekends
I want to love all my friends and not worry about how it's gonna hurt me in the end
I want to be more than self help and going to bed early on the weekend
I want to love all my friends and not worry about how I'm gonna hurt them in the end
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